Advice From A Real Bride


This week I wanted to change up my blog approach. I still wanted to have an educational piece for all my readers out there, but I also wanted to involve those equally as important to me: my couples. So this week I have a GUEST writer for you! Everyone meet Caitlyn aka the new Mrs. Sandfer. I had the pleasure of planning her dream wedding last year and couldn’t think of a better guest blogger. Today Caitlyn is going to share her advice with you on her experience as a couple going through the planning process.

From Caitlyn:

In every couple, there is bound to be one person who is a little more enthusiastic about wedding planning than the other. Even if it’s just a tiny, minuscule amount, there is usually a “lead” person in the couple who takes point on most wedding planning activities, and a “support” person who is the second in command. I bet you can guess which one I was? As one of Ilana’s brides, I was incredibly involved in the wedding planning process and definitely took the “lead” role in my couple. My fiancé/future husband was absolutely stellar at supporting me through the whole thing, so I wanted to share with you some advice and ideas on how to be the best in that supporting role. So, for all the second-in-commands out there, THIS is for YOU! You will play such a big role in making sure everything in the planning process runs smoothly and your point person is operating at 100%. By following the below guide in how to be the best at supporting the wedding planning process, you will set both of you up for success in every way. 


Help in any way you can. This may seem obvious, but there are definitely people out there who think a laissez-faire policy to wedding planning is the way to go. And in some cases, your lead person may want to take charge and handle everything themselves. But, I’m here to tell you, a little bit of effort can go a very long way. This doesn’t mean you have to do huge things by yourself, but taking on small tasks can be extremely helpful, such as stuffing invitations, proofreading stationary, or assisting the planning of auxiliary events like rehearsal dinner or post-wedding brunch. Being involved in even a small capacity is the perfect way to lend a hand to your future spouse and help get things done. 


Be positive and stay calm. I can’t stress the word positive enough. Planning a wedding can be overwhelming, and when you are the support person, it’s your job to keep the lead person calm. Crises happen, plans need to change, people back out, and it’s on you to be ready with a hug and reassuring word. You may need to manage expectations as well when it comes to things like budgetary matters or coming up with alternative ideas when an idea doesn’t work, and doing so in a positive way will keep both of your spirits up and focused on moving forward in your planning. This was a critical role for my fiancé; I can’t even tell you how many times he calmed me down during caffeine-fueled freakouts over even the smallest thing. It makes all the difference to know you always have someone to count on.


Stay in charge of your own stuff. This could include things like coordinating your wedding day outfit, dealing with family (such a big one!), and keeping your bridal party on schedule, to name a few. The lead person in the couple already has enough to worry about with planning the event as well as their own personal aspects, and they shouldn’t have to worry about you on top of it all. It’s natural for you to work together on lots of things, but having your own ducks in a row will make it all a lot smoother. I know that I really appreciated my fiancé taking care of his own details, and for once, I got to take on that secondary role! 


Lastly, don’t forget, this day is for you, too! Staying involved and open to communication is the best way to show your future spouse that you are excited to marry them. While I definitely relied heavily on Ilana and the whole team at Perfect the Event, it was such a relief to know my fiancé had my back and would be there throughout the entire process. We definitely got to practice our teamwork, which was just a precursor to our next adventure together. Looking back, I can say with confidence that our growth together during that time set a foundation for a strong and happy marriage. Now, get out there and enjoy planning your wedding together!